Ghosting’s Cousins: Meet Caging and Earharting

What’s trending lately? In our ever growing online universe there is always something going on… Like a mid atlantic flight, the dating world can be filled with bumpy turbulence and at times shaky touchdowns on the runway; there is always something new going on and new terms to use.

      So, I’d like to remind you of some past trending terms and phrases but also introduce you to a couple of new trending terms, with the hopes that these terms help you navigate a safe take off and smooth landing in the dating world.

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Old Terms:

Over the years there have been different words that have started a trend; especially in the world of dating.

A few years ago we were all introduced to the term “catfish” thanks to the documentary of the same name. Gaining widespread popularity “Catfishing” according to Urban Dictionary is: “the phenomenon of internet predators that fabricate online identities and entire social circles to trick people into emotional/romantic relationships (over a long period of time).” This term grew like wildfire…I heard it used everywhere.

Example: “Ughhh …Guys I’m going on a blind date and I’m so scared I’m going to be catfished.”

“Hey does my profile picture really look like me? Should I upload a more recent picture? My biggest fear is being scene as a catfish.”

That term has come and gone; only to be used occasionally.

The newest term to hit the dating world has made a lot of heads turn and think…’hmm have I ever ghosted someone or even worse…have I ever been ghosted.’

“Ghosting”: The act of completely disappearing into oblivion and ceasing all communications with someone you were dating casually. The ghost gives no indication or reason of leaving but simply vanishes without a trace, leaving the ghosted hurt, confused and in utter astonishment.

Example:“So I’ve been dating this girl for a couple of months, and we went to dinner a few weeks ago. I been texting her but now she’s completely ghosting me. No response.”

I’m going to keep this short and simple. Ghosting sucks. Word to the wise if you are ghosting, you are incredibly juvenile and whoever you’re ghosting should be lucky you’ve let them go; you’re obviously not mature enough to handle an adult conversation and tell this person why you aren’t into them and send them on their way. If you are or have been ghosted, learn from it and move on. This person who has ghosted you taught you a valuable lesson; sure it will hurt at first, but you’ll be much better off in the end. There are plenty of other fish in the sea; so you got a bottom feeder?…cast your net and try again. I promise there is someone willing to respect and value your time.

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New Terms:

I’ve had friends talk to me about being ghosted and all I can say is that it hurts to hear about and I’m sure its even worse to go through but I’ve come up with a few new terms that don’t only hurt, they’re just down right annoying.

Meet ghosting first cousin: “Caging.” Caging is like ghosting, but adds a bit of a twist. The person doing the caging has similar qualities to a ghoster. The cager gives no indication or reason for leaving a relationship and fails to respond to text messages, phone calls, emails, etc…BUT here’s the twist; they continue to watch and communicate inadvertently through different forms of social media. They watch from afar the person they’ve decided to excommunicate.

Cagers view Snapchats, retweet, and like Instagram posts or Facebook statuses. They cage this person like an animal in a zoo, watching them from a distance but never getting close enough to actually communicate. It’s not only disrespectful but it’s incredibly annoying to the person being caged.

Example: “He’s caging me. He completely stop talking to me and wont answer my text messages but he likes all of my Facebook statuses.”

««Honesty Hour: I was casually dating this guy, lets call him *Joe Schmo, and things were going great. On a horrific night for both Ronda Rousey and myself things crumbled and took a turn for the worse. After apologizing for any wrong doing, I was greeted with a cold non-responsive ghost. I quickly got back on my feet and and was reminded by my trusty and loyal friends of why this guy was truly not worthy of my time. All was fine and dandy and I actually completely forgot about the poor chump until one day I saw he was viewing all of my snaps- and at times viewing them seconds after they had been posted! He then started liking my Instagram pictures. But what was worse is that he began personally snapchatting my friends. Now looking back I can laugh at the whole situation and can only say that it validated what Ronda has said all along “relationships that are easily ruined were never worth much. […] a relationship worth anything will endure the process.” (My Fight/ Your Fight 157,158) *Name was changed for reasons of privacy»»

To those being caged, try not to let it annoy you too much. If it really bugs you, remember you have the power to allow a cager to view your online world. Delete them if it’s really bothering you. But my advise, don’t give them any more of your precious energy and time. In fact wear it as a badge. The person caging you is either infatuated or intrigued by you and could quite possibly still like you. At the end of the day they’re the ones that look like creepy immature stalkers.

Meet ghostings second cousin twice removed: “Earharting.” To understand this term you might need a little back up history. Amelia Earhart was the first female aviator to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean and set many aviation records. In 1937, attempting to make a flight around the globe, Earhart went missing and is thought to have disappeared over the central Pacific ocean near Howland Islands.

Earharting is a term that is used when the person you are dating sporadically goes missing. They text you and call you normally but every once in awhile will drop off in the middle of a conversation and disappear. These people are known as Amelia’s or Earharter’s. They don’t necessarily go missing on purpose, but it can be quiet annoying to the person on the other side of the conversation.

Example: “We were talking and she suddenly stopped responding to my text messages in the middle of our conversation. She finally text me back 4 hours later without any explanation. I was totally Earharted.”

“Yeah sounds like she was pulling an Amelia.”

I understand everyone is busy, but there needs to be a certain amout of common courtesy when conversing. If “waiting hours before I text back”is the game you like to play to add to the chase remember this; games are for children, not responding for long periods of time can get old quickly. Earharting isn’t the worse thing a person can do but can become a nuisance if it becomes a frequent habit. Note to the Earharts of the world: Only text or talk when you are available to respond back in a timely manner. Ignoring or blatantly not texting back shows a lack of propriety and disreguard for the feelings of others. If you do find yourself earharting and it is unconsciously done, apologize, move on and try to not be an Amelia in the future.

I hope you have found these terms helpful and now know how to use them in the dating world. To those dating, I wish you the very best of luck, and hope you now know how to spot a catfish, ghost, cager or earhart.

Questions about these terms feel free to comment or email me at unrulyandrefined@gmail.com

-xo ash

PS: My lovely PC hope this is a reminder to not allow anyone to cage or earhart you, not even a Disney prince, you’re too rad—and remember we aren’t DNB’s. No way!

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

Anyone who truly knows me, knows I have a thing for quotes. It could possibly be considered an obsession. A good song lyric can be a quote I hold on to, a simple yet poignant idea heard from a stranger or line from a movie or book can draw the biggest breath of air from my lungs. I’ll write quotes on margins of books or magazines and when I get really desperate (and my Iphone battery has died) I’ve been known to steal pens and napkins or toilet paper just so I don’t loose the quote. Words are huge with me, so when I hear a group of them formed into a wonderful quote I have to have it documented and stored in my vault.

 

I started my blog exactly one year ago today, and I’ve acquired so much. The only way I can truly express what I’ve come to find within the year is by writing about it with quotes that I’ve saved. These quotes pinpoint who I am, how I feel and what I have come to find. So here it goes…

In 2015 I’ve come to terms that I really, really, like to write. It’s very therapeutic and as Ernest Hemingway said “my aim is to put down on paper what I see and what I feel in the best and simplest way.” I plan on continuing writing for this blog, but also for myself. I love writing short stories and vow to take time in 2016 to continue to write stories on my vintage sea foam green typewriter I’ve named Steinbeck. (If you don’t know how I came up with the name my only advice to you is…read a book.)

I’ve found that if “I don’t write to empty my mind, I go mad.” [Lord Byron]

I have grown immensely this year learning about the different people that surround me each and everyday. But mostly I’ve learned about myself, and “like wildflowers; you must allow yourself to grow in all the places people thought you never would.” [E.V.]

I’ve learned about the law of attraction and successfully put it to use, as funny lady Amy Poehler said, “you attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are.” I was told continuously this year that I’ve always had “that look of otherness, of eyes that see things much too far, and of thoughts that wander off the edge of the world.” [Joanne Harris] and have come to realize that “my heart swings back and forth between the need for routine and the urge to run.” [Unknown]

Thank you to the people who have allowed me to whisper and at times shout my dreams into their ears; always willing to listen to every detail I divulge. To all of you who have stood by my side and have help me grow, even if infinitesimally, thank you for opening my eyes when I’ve wanted to walk blindly onto roads that I didn’t see were that scary. As R.M. Drake wrote; “she could not make sense of the things that were meant for her, but she was drawn to it all, and when she was alone, she felt like the moon; terrified of the sky, but completely in love with the way it held the stars.”

 

“I’m very picky with whom I give my energy to. I prefer to reserve my time, intensity and spirit exclusively to those who reflect sincerity” [Dau Voire]—to all those who I’ve spent time with in 2015, thank you. Thank you for simply letting me be me and sharing wonderful experiences and creating lasting memories I’ll cherish forever.

I’ve learned that “I’m a simple person with a complicated mind”[Anonymous] and sometimes it just easiest to let go because “overthinking kills your happiness.” [Unknown]

Like everyone in this world, I’m human; imperfect. I’d be lying if I said 2015 has been a year of daisies, cupcakes and rainbows. My road, like so many others, has had some dips and windy curves but they have all become lessons that I will never regret. I can proudly say that in 2015 whatever I’ve done I’ve given it my all and tried my best. As my ultimate heroine of 2015 Ronda Rousey said; “you have to be willing to get your heart broken. That’s just what fucking happens when you try.”

Looking back there are so many things I wanted to happen that didn’t and vice versa- things that happened that I didn’t want or expect. I’m quite glad things played out the way they did because now I “consider that maybe God closed that door because he knew [I was] worth so much more.” [Unknown]

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So as 2015 comes to an end all I can confess is that it’s been a WILD ride; and as 2016 quickly approaches I can honestly say that it will be year unlike any other, and I can’t wait to see where it takes me. So many firsts, so many opportunities; I hope I take each given to me.

An open road awaits me…cant wait to see what landmarks I hit, hidden treasures I stumble upon, U-turns I face and exits I’ll take. My wild ride continues and my car is loaded with fuel that will last until I reach 2017. “A lot can happen in a year!” [Anonymous]

As a writer I’ve learned this year that “ some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity…” [Gilda Radner]

 So long 2015! … 2016 I’ve buckled my seatbelt and am ready! Take me where you may. I’ll follow, but I’ll tell you now ahead of time, it’s not in my nature to always obey. 😉

 -xo ash

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Fresh Off the Runway

I’m 99% Angel But, oh…that 1%!

Every year millions of people tune in for the “sexiest night on television”. Wings are set, hair and make-up teams have dispersed and its finally show time! The Victoria Secret fashion show is the biggest fashion show in the world. Hundreds of creative artists from all different facets of the fashion industry come together in collaboration to create the most spectacular production the fashion world has seen.

 

Spearheaded by executive producers Monica Mitro and Ed Razek, collection creative director Sophie Neophitou and Director/Exec. Producer Hamish Hamilton, the 2015 Victoria Secret fashion show displayed an amazing collection with a total of 5 different themes. VS teamed up with some of the worlds most talented artisans to create beautifully intricate and unique pieces that would be worn by models walking down the runway.

 A Look at the Artists

Making their runway debut, The Makerie Studio, who specializes in paper products, created 3-D paper wings worn by Victoria Secret angels.

Model and Victoria’s Secret Angel Lily Aldridge from California walks the runway wearing the $2 Million 2015 Fireworks Fantasy Bra by Mouawad (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Victoria’s Secret)

Recurring artist Marian Hose, from Marian Jean House LLC, stayed true to form and created her signature whimsical wings made of cheer chiffon and also incorporated spinning back pieces used in ‘Fireworks’ that showered the runway with drama.

Model Gigi Hadid walks the runway in Exotic Butterflies (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Victoria’s Secret)

Armando Farfan Jr. of The Living Art of Armando, seduced the audience with vibrant luminescent wings that literally lit up the end of the show.

Model Alessandra Ambrosio in Portrait of an Angel (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Victoria’s Secret)

But my absolute favorite artist would have to be Jordan Betten of Lost Art Studio. Betten created what I believe to be some of the most eye-catching pieces of the show. Filled with layers of fringe and hand embroidered leather and suede, Lost Art’s custom pieces created authentic 1960’s Janis Joplin style that I fell absolutely in love with.

Model Candice Swanpool in Boho Psychodelic (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Victoria Secret)

Show Stopper

Hands down my favorite look of the night had to be Behati Prinsloo’s jaw dropping free spirited hippie ensemble! Fit for a psychedelic rock-n-roll queen, the shows opener featured a fitted suede jacket dripping with layers of fringe, a warm multi-color paisley bra corset and tall dusty brown moccasin boots. The look was complete with trippy, far out ‘LOVE’ wings. I couldn’t think of a better opener for the show!

Model Behati Prinsloo Levine rocked the runway. (Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images for Victoria’s Secret)

 Angel Wings and Sweet Things

To prepare for a Victoria Secret fashion show viewing party I made lemon cupcakes with raspberry cream cheese frosting and we drank wine and partook in a fun VS Angel drinking game… because I knew when we watched the show our minds would say model physique but our hearts would say cupcakes and wine.

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VS Angel Drinking Game Rules

Take a sip every time a model…

• Blows an air kiss

• Makes a heart shape with hands

• Winks at the camera

• Makes a silly, cheeky face

• Takes a selfie backstage

• Purses her lips

• Touches or flips her hair

…Continue until your cup needs a refill

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While watching the show with my friends, I dawned the classic Mayfair pajama set, the perfect outfit for any VSFS viewing party. (Side note: If you have any last minute Christmas shopping and still haven’t found what to get for your angel you won’t go wrong with this classic PJ set. Add a gift card and I’m sure she’ll be on cloud 9)

This year’s show was a major success! Ellie Goulding, Selena Gomez and The Weeknd killed it with their musical performances and I know my friends and I can’t wait to see what Victoria’s Secret has up their wings next year! Remember angels; the worlds our runway, rock it and own it!—and don’t forget to throw in an air kiss while you’re at it!

-xo ash

Places I’ll Remember

There are places I remember
all my life, though some have changed.
Some forever, not for better.
And some have gone, and some remain.

All these places have their moments
with lovers and friends I still can’t recall.
Some are dead and some are living.
In my life I love them all. [The Beatles]

You know that experience when you leave a place and “say see you later”, but don’t actually know the next time you’ll be seeing it? Then weeks, months or maybe even years later you go back to that place and it’s as if nothing ever changed; didn’t skip a beat and just continued as if you had never left at all. Is there a word for this? Whatever it is, I simply love it. I love that you’re both so comfortable and know each other so well. I love having that connection, it makes leaving just a bit easier because you know when reunited what you’re coming back to. It’s almost a sense of safety and security.

Cayucos: Summer of ’96

Cayucos: Fall of ’15 [we traded in ice cream for ales]

In this vast world it’s hard to find a place to make you feel comforted and special like this. I’ve traveled to many places and find this experience to be very rare. Two sweet beach towns that lie on the edge of the central coast of California have this very rare quality. Cayucos and Carmel have little pieces of my heart. Each time we meet its as if nothing has ever changed. These places played roles in making me who I am. They watched me grow.

James, Mom and I

Wine tasting in Carmel

But places aren’t the same as people, because when you leave a person you will not encounter the same one upon reuniting. They’re always slightly different. They’ve changed; even if it’s a minute shift. When we leave people, we take with us visions of how they were; memories that help when that persons gone and far away.

People evolve. They are ever moving. No person will be the same way they were when you left them. They meet new people that open their eyes in ways they never thought possible. New experiences change them and the way they see the world can slowly shift as well. So as I begin to embark on a new phase in my life I can’t promise that when I come back I will be exactly the same person. No, that would be ridiculous to assume. But I can promise to take all that I experience and learn, and make it a beautiful chapter in my growing story. I can only hope that when I return I will be an even better version of myself.

 

❝So, what if, instead of thinking about solving your whole life, you just think about adding additional good things. One at a time. Just let your pile of good things grow. ❞Attachments, Rainbow Rowell

 

To those I love, just know I’ll be back. Like an old Australian Proverb says: “We are all visitors to this time, this place. We are just passing through. Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love… and then we return home.” Remember this isn’t goodbye; its see you later.

-xo ash

ps: To those who have helped shape me like the places and people in these pictures, thank you…in my life I love you all. (Anna, my kindred spirit, thank you for giving these places that much more meaning. Promise to let Tommy dance with YOU next time 😉 )

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Carmel Favorites:

• While in Carmel-by-the-Sea save your appetite and check out my favorite little Italian restaurant, Little Napoli. It is seriously the best! I always order the same thing and it never gets old. Be sure to order the crab bisque, steamed manilla clams and of course Chef Pepe’s famous garlic flatbread. Made from a 100 year old family recipe it will transport your taste buds to Italian citys like Rome, Naples, Sorrento or Capri! If there’s still room, have a cappuccino and share the Tiramisu..you wont be sorry.
  
  

  Crab bisque

  

  Steamed Manilla Clams

  

  Tiramisu

  Cayucos Favorites

• Run off all the food you ate at Little Napoli and take a jog on my favorite stretch of beach, Sand Dollars. Perfectly named, this public beach is littered with little white sand dollars early in the morning and has the best view of both Morro Bay and downtown Cayucos. I love getting up early and jogging on the sand, or finishing the day watching the sunset and strolling.

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Island Vibes

“Aloha! In just a few short minutes we will be landing at Kahului Airport. It is currently 75 degrees in Lahaina, with 68 percent humidity and 10 percent chance of showers. Please keep your seatbelts on until the captain has turned off the fastened seatbelt sign. We hope you’ve enjoyed your flight and once again thank you for flying United Airlines.”

I slid the shade of the window seat open and was greeted by the most beautiful sight; the island of Maui. The beautiful lush island with rocky lava rocks jetting out of the indigo blue water reminded me of Jurassic Parks ‘Isla Nublar’ (which was fitting because as we landed my Ipod began to play John Williams Jurassic Park musical score– it was pure magic!)

Friendly locals with sincere smiles greeted Lexie and me at the gate; a nice change from the forced plastic grins we were used to day-to-day back at home. We briskly claimed our luggage and walked to a bus that shuttled us to our rental car company. By the time we finished signing wavers and insurance papers the sweet humidity had set in and we couldn’t wait to turn on the cars A/C.

We had made it to Maui, the small island 2,471 miles away from California and a 5-hour plane ride across the Pacific Ocean and now it was our time to explore!

[While in Hawaii we did so many fun and interesting things it would take me a couple of days to divulge the fun we had, so I chose to share some of the trips highlights]

.:. We had our Blue Crush moment! The minute we booked our trip to Hawaii, Lexie and I discussed the top things we wanted out of our adventure. We both agreed we had to recreate and capture a specific scene from the movie Blue Crush. For those who have never seen Blue Crush…have you been living under a lava rock!? In the movie the main character Anne Marie Chadwick, like many pro surfers, does underwater rock running to improve lung capacity and prepare her for the Pipe Masters Surf competition. We scouted the perfect location- Airport Beach- and combed the beach for the perfect boulder. We grabbed the biggest rock we could find, which honestly wasn’t that big but did the job, and got to work.

I wont lie it was difficult positioning ourselves perfectly at the bottom of the sea floor but in the end we got it! We tanned and relaxed on the beach for the rest of the day with not a worry or care in the world. We later celebrated our first day with special concoctions named after Hawaii’s famous exotic fruit, lilikoi, also known as yellow passion fruit.

‘Let’s unwind,
Don’t worry your mind,
There’s paradise waiting for us in summertime.
The warm thoughts set your tension’s aside,
There’s a paradise waiting for us in summertime.’

-Vacationer

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.:. While exploring Lahaina we stopped into a local swim shop and met the first of many down to earth locals; Bonnie. She introduced us to life changing bikinis and helped us find the perfect fitting pieces. We were told we needed to continue to tan in order to get rid of our mainland tans and I wasn’t going to argue with that. We left the store with a variety of different bikini tops and bottoms but also a new appreciation for ourselves. Bonnie explained that the Hawaiians were so relaxed and that they could spot a tourist mainlander from a mile away because they were the ones that tried hard to fit in and really cared about appearance. They were the ones with the flashy colored expensive cars or designer handbags. True locals went with the flow, nothing was ever forced. I loved how straight forward and easy that mentality was. Lexie and I adapted quickly and set out to work on our local bronze tan. We hit the road and found ourselves at Slaughter House beach were we explored and captured some fun photos before the sun went down.

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beach bums

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#livelikealocal: the motto I live by when traveling to knew places. I can’t stand tourist attractions with long lines, money traps and loads of teens taking selfies. I yearn for paths very rarely hiked and am open for whatever.

travel buddys!

*Travel Tip– Find a travel buddy that has the same mentality as you. I was lucky enough to have explored Europe with Lexie and know we both have the same travel style. We both are unafraid of jumping off of rocks into unknown water and trying the local fish that looks like it was fished out of a sewer but tastes like absolute heaven. When it comes to food please be open-minded and if you really aren’t willing to take a risk be respectful of the culture that you are submerged in. I was once in Spain traveling with a small group of girls, Lexie being one of them. While in the middle of dinner one of the girls ruined the ambiance and experience because she couldn’t stand the “texture” of the fish we were eating and disrespectfully sent it back making a scene. For most of the trip she went on to eat boring sandwiches and pieces of bread throughout the day. Please don’t be that traveler. Be up for anything! If you don’t like it say thank you and move on, at least you can say you tried something new.

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.:. One of the longest and most exciting days of our trip had to be the day we traveled the famous road to Hana. We woke at 5:00 am and set out for a journey through one of Hawaii’s most scenic drives. The road leading up to the small town of Hana was breath taking. With a speed limit of 25 mph, the 64.4 mile Hana Highway has been noted as being one of the most dangerous stretches of land to drive. We wound in and out of 600 heart-stopping curves along narrow pieces of road and crossed 54 bridges that were architectural miracles/ masterpieces. We used the Gypsy Guide iphone app that used GPS to help direct us on where to go while also educating us on our surroundings. The apps narrator had the most regal yet soothing voice. Lexie fittingly named the man behind the voice Clemens. While traveling the Highway we made a pit stop to Nahiku, a small community off the eastern coast of Maui where George Harrison once lived.

We crossed closed bridges while in the town and were bitten by the first mosquitoes of the trip. We went on to swim in waterfalls that lined the road, saw our first black sand beach at Waianapanapa State Park and eventually made our way to Haleakalā National Park where we visited the lush Kīpahulu area.

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seven sacred pools

We made our way over incredibly slippery mossy rocks to the famous seven sacred pools and took in the surreal views that surrounded us. We went on to hike the Pīpīwai trail; a 4 mile round trip hike that took us through bamboo forests with views of fresh water streams that eventually lead us to the breath taking 400 foot Waimoku falls. I stood still in amazement. The sheer power of nature’s way to alter and define a moment in time was awe-inspiring.

Hawaiian proverb: He wai makamaka ‘ole. Water that recognizes no friend.

Waimoku- meaning water that cuts, severs, amputates or breaks into two.

one lane. one car. one cliff.

abandoned house

We continued through a very dangerous one-lane road down the back of the island. Shhhh don’t tell, but according to our rental car company we weren’t allowed to drive that stretch of land, but being the rule breakers we are we did it anyways. We saw some of the most serene and untouched areas Maui has to offer but it came with a price. As the sun was setting we were visited by some rather annoying drivers that nearly ran us off the cliffs and took their road rage out on us. With no cell phone service we had no way of getting help if we needed it.

serious case of road rage

I’m so proud of Lexie’s courageous decision to pass them up when confronted with the reckless guys following us. She pushed the gas pedal as hard as she could to escape and we drove as fast as we could. Our eyes locked on the rear view mirrors fearful their headlights would appear. We finally made it back home safely around 10 pm and later found out that the local police never went to that side of the island, which was known for its abandoned houses that meth addicts would escape to. Tourist love to buy shirts that say “I survived the road to Hana” but I personally don’t think those shirts would do our road trip justice. It was an amazing adventure to say the least.

.:.We took the most amazing helicopter ride with Sunshine Helicopters and our pilot Steve who gave us on an unreal areial experience through the islands of Maui, Lanai and Molokai. We saw the waterfalls that were filmed in Jurassic Park and learned the background history of the islands. The colors we saw were so vivid and the mountains were enhanced to another level. I felt like I was living in a dream as we flew above the clouds; one with the birds.

.:.We went on multiple snorkel tours and were fortunate enough to swim with green sea turtles and see Hawaiian spinner dolphins. Snorkeling confirmed what we had always known; that we’re basically mermaids!

put on your fins and get ready to swim!

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.:.On our last night in Maui we set sail on one of the Pacific Whale Foundations luxury catamarans. Lexie and I sat on nets suspended over the clear blue water, enjoying Mai Tai’s and taking in the pink cotton candy sunset sky. We spoke to one of the boats deckhands and she told us that the island had a way of telling people where they needed to be. I’ve always had a strong connection with the ocean and in that moment I felt like I was home. She said “the island has a way of giving us signs” then winked and walked away. I smiled and turned to look at the horizon and just then a pod of pacific bottlenose dolphins appeared at the bow of the ship. “Ashley!” I heard my name call out behind me, “if that’s not a sign I don’t know what is.” I turned and saw the deckhand grinning. Lexie and I looked at each other in awe. I still get chills thinking about the moment.

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Mahalo Maui for opening my eyes and reminding me of something I really needed to hear again: the world is too big to stay in one place & life is too short to do just one thing.

A hui kaua!

-xo ash

PS: Penny get up! It’s double overhead. It’s perfect pipe! The waves are calling, they’re going off. Can’t wait to jump in and see where the sea takes us. Thanks for being my tour guide partner. Remember “no leakies!” Haha– Brenan thanks for being our local guide to the island!

Lets Be Adventurers!

“I was always an unusual girl.
My mother told me I had a chameleon soul, no moral compass pointing due north, no fixed personality; just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean…”-Lana Del Rey

As long as I can remember I’ve always been a dreamer, a wanderer and a lover for new adventures. As a child I was timid, very careful with every step I took, but as time has pasted I’ve learned to step out on the edge; chipping off layers and discovering a person who has been there all along. I’ve become an endless explorer with an aching desire for new experiences. While exploring I found I had “an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point I couldn’t even talk about it and pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me.”

I believe that there are many definitions of what it means to be an explorer. Along my path I have made a list of what I do and how I explore and adventure. I continuously add to the list as I go.

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1. Walk as if you’re kissing the earth with your feet, feeling every rock and pebble.
2. Breath in the sweet smells of Mother Nature and allow it to permeate through your lungs.
3. If it scares you, say a quick prayer, and continue on. Fight through the fear.
4. If it begins to rain don’t see it as a damper on the situation, see it as an opportunity for a second shower.
5. Do not envy the birds that fly above your head, but be reminded that you are just as free as they are.
6. Stray off the path as much as you can, creating your own. (Unless making your own path means ruining a critters home.)
7. Be quiet and don’t interrupt, let the earth speak.
8. Before reaching for the camera, take mental pictures that can never be recreated. (Because a great memory is so much better than any photograph ever taken will be.)
9. Don’t be sorry or regret anything; tomorrow isn’t promised.
10. Don’t go home unless a wild wind has blown through your hair, there’s dirt on your face, and you’ve discovered something new.

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If you find a kindred connection with my list I encourage you to let your desire to explore continuously shape and mold you. Through adventures and explorations you will find you learn lessons no school can ever teach. Like the trees of the forest know, “everything you go through… grows you.”

 

Little by little the world that surrounds you will teach you the things you need to know. Remember to always keep your eyes wide open, with humble appreciation, because you never know what will inspire you next.

All explorers realize along the way to live with a fire of fearlessness. Over time a true explorer will become a child of the wild. There’s nothing to lose when you believe in the freedom of the open road and its endless possibilities.

Live fast, feel young, be wild, have fun!

[Side Note: Mumford & Sons always knows how to get my blood pumping for new explorations and reminds me to “keep the earth below my feet” –enjoy!]

 -ash xo

Out with the Old…

This time of year can be filled with cheer and glee as family and friends gather together to celebrate the ending of one year and the beginning of a new one. A new year filled with opportunity and excitement waiting just around the corner.

We are often so caught in the presents, the food and the making of fun memories we often forget what it all truly boils down to.

For me, 2014 was a year of endless activity and non-stop action. I was a busy full time student with a part time job and internship; rushing to graduate and get on with my life. I felt like I took a quick breath and I was on the next departing flight from LAX to the Leonardo DeVinci Airport in Rome. I spent almost three months abroad and found when arriving back home I needed to find anyway to stay busy. I took spontaneous trips to San Francisco, San Diego and Sedona while also working a part time job. I concentrated on putting real time and energy into true friendships.

In a weird plot twist, after being pushed by some friends, I took a step outside my comfort zone and decided to create a profile on an online dating app. (I know looking back it could be seen as a low point-but I guess there is always a learning lesson in everything) There were many gentleman callers but as usual they all turned out to be ugly toads as opposed to handsome princes.

I did however go on one spontaneous date with a down to earth photographer that reminded me to slow down and not take everything too seriously. It was the only date I went on and felt I shouldn’t ruin my chances by thinking all my dates would turn out to be so great. Soon after my relaxed meet-up I deleted the app.

This year turned out to be one of the most educating years I’ve had thus far. It was a year of rushing and running around; and ever since I arrived back from my travels I was told repeatedly to “Be Still”… but knowing me I don’t usually do what I’m told- at least not without a little resistance. I continued life at a fast pace never really taking time to rest my body; let alone my mind. Now just a few hours away from the New Year I have found that I have been forced, literally, to slow down and take time to realize what is truly important. As I sit down writing this, I have come to realize how much each and everyone of us take things for granted.

On Christmas Eve, instead of getting ready for a family holiday party, I found myself checking myself into Urgent Care for what seemed to be a really bad sore throat. After a quick examination by the on call doctor I was diagnosed with a viral upper respiratory infection that had taken over my throat. I had a fever, body aches, the chills, and my throat felt like it was engulfed in flames. My swollen lymph nodes were the size of golf balls and as tender as a fresh Christmas roast. With the help of a mirror and flashlight I discovered white balls filled with puss, forming on my tonsils. I was told the only cure for this type of viral infection was rest and lots of liquids. Knowing this information I stocked up on tea. I felt like I was swallowing razor blades with every sip. Swallowing became the biggest chore. I couldn’t sleep, which lead to extreme exhaustion and hysterical crying through the night. I later was diagnosed with strep throat, a bacterial infection.

It’s been a few days since that excruciatingly painful night and I’m still unable to eat any solid food. Even eating soup has become challenging. This infection has become a big eye opening experience. I realize the little things we take for granted are truly a gift.

As usual I have resolutions for the new year but the biggest I’ve come to realize is that I need to stop rushing my way through life and take time to slow down. It can get exhausting both physically and mentally trying to go at a 100 mph pace. I’ve realized if anything I need to practice moving the body and making still my mind. Being present is key! It’s time to step outside of me.

A lot can happen in a year, and I have absolutely no regrets with 2014. (I feel living with regrets is a big waste of time). I lived and I learned and I can’t wait to see what 2015 has in store for me. I vow to take more paths less traveled, step out on the edge, surprise myself and create! I want to meet new people, see new places, hear new music and taste new foods. I can’t wait for the new experiences and adventures that await me in 2015.

Time to step outside.

Cheers 2014, you were a memorable one!

2015…gosh I hope you’re ready for me!

-ash xo